She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
