also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
