im drinking this country out of the recession.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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