I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
