i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
