i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
