if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
