hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
