Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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