I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
