I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
