I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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