My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
