Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
my being single is dangerous.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
