I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
