id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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