What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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