I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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