did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
