I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
