i think i have two assholes
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
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