he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
