I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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