Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
