R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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