dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
