Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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