If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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