I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I lost the right to judge tonight
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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