you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
