Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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