i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
