everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
