yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
