he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
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