Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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