I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
