i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
