Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
