I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
