i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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