We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
