I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
