Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
