I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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