dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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