Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize