woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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