hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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