I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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