nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
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