dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
