this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
