I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
