Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
