hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
