You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
