just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Randomize
