he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Randomize
