I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize