you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
