I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
