Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
