shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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