Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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